Has been a while since my last post..made a 700 km round trip today to take Kelly up to her camp for the next 2 weeks will be lonely around here Jessica is also in Muskoka with her aunt Haydee coming home on Friday and leaving again Saturday with her friends Family to go to the Elora Gorge for a few days so we are kid free....with all the Mosquitos I thought this was fitting more or less...

A young boy is standing on a street corner swatting flies. Everytime he sees a fly he utters, "fucking flies, fucking flies."

Just as the boy says it a shocked priest walks up and says, "You should not curse the flies because every one of God's creations has a purpose."

The little boy, unmoved by the priest's objection says, "bullshit."

"Well tell me 3 things on this earth that God has made without a cause" says the priest.

The boy looks at him with a grin and replies, "Tits on a nun, balls on a priest, and these fucking flies."

A 26-year-old Montreal man appears to have succeeded in his quest to barter a single, red paper-clip all the way up to a house. It took almost a year and 14 trades, but Kyle MacDonald has been offered a two-storey farmhouse in Kipling, Sask., for a paid role in a movie. MacDonald began his quest last summer when he decided he wanted to live in a house. He didn't have a job, so instead of posting a resumé, he looked at a red paper-clip on his desk and decided to trade it on an internet website. He got a response almost immediately — from a pair of young women in Vancouver who offered to trade him a pen that looks like a fish. MacDonald then bartered the fish pen for a handmade doorknob from a potter in Seattle. In Massachusetts, MacDonald traded the doorknob for a camp stove. He traded the stove to a U.S. marine sergeant in California for a 100-watt generator. In Queens, N.Y., he exchanged the generator for the "instant party kit" — an empty keg and an illuminated Budweiser beer sign. MacDonald then traded the keg and sign for a Bombardier snowmobile, courtesy of a Montreal radio host. He bartered all the way up to an afternoon with rock star Alice Cooper, a KISS snow globe and finally a paid role in a Corbin Bernsen movie called Donna on Demand. "Now, I'm sure the first question on your mind is, "Why would Corbin Bernsen trade a role in a film for a snow globe? A KISS snow globe," MacDonald said on his website "one red paper-clip." "Well, Corbin happens to be arguably one of the biggest snow globe collectors on the planet." Now, the town of Kipling, Sask., located about two hours east of Regina with a population of 1,100, has offered MacDonald a farmhouse in exchange for the role in the movie. MacDonald and his girlfriend will fly to the town next Wednesday. "We are going to show them the house, give them the keys to the house and give them the key to the town and just have some fun," said Pat Jackson, mayor of Kipling. The town is going to hold a competition for the movie role. MacDonald said: "There's people all over the world that are saying that they have paper-clips clipped to the top of their computer, or on their desk or on their shirt, and it proves that anything is possible and I think to a certain degree it's true." MacDonald, who has attracted international media in his quest, said the journey has turned out to be more exciting than the goal. "This is not the end. This may be the end of this segment of the story, but this story will go on. "

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one hell of a hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"
The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." So the dentist ask him, "Which tooth is it sir?"

The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show him."

: 10 What?

>
> How Moses got the 10 Commandments....
>
> God went to the Arabs and said, "I have
> Commandments for you that will make your lives better.
>
> The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"
>
> And the Lord said, "They are rules for living ."
>
> Can you give us an example?"
>
> "Thou shall not kill."
>
> "Not kill? We're not interested."
>
> God went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."
>
> The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honour thy Father and
> Mother."
>
> "Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested."
>
> Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."
>
> The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said "Thou shall not
> steal."
>
> "Not steal? We're not interested."
>
> Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."
>
> The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shall not commit
> adultery."
>
> "Not commit adultery? We're not interested."
>
> Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
>
> "Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?"
>
> "They're free."
>
> "We'll take 10."
>
>
> There, that ought to offend just about everybody.